How to Talk to The Neighbors

Okay, Bright Builders! ←See what I did there? I gave you a nickname :-)

Too much?

What?!

You’re bright, and you’re going to build.

Enough said.

In our most recent post, I covered how to talk with your City Council person. Specifically, we discussed how the goal in the city process is always to give cover to your city council person so that they can vote for your project. We do this by anticipating their audience and providing language they can use as they engage with their constituents and hopefully advocate for your project. By doing this extra work, We can choose the language, which means we set the tone.

Once we’ve met with the City Council, we’re immediately going to reach out to our neighborhood group. Most neighborhoods have a formal group of some sort. They usually have meetings once a month or every couple of months. We want to get on their calendar so that we can present our project to them and get their feedback. There is often a lag in scheduling this meeting, so we never wait. You may hear from the chair of that group that their next meeting isn’t for two, three, or six months, so we act early and secure a date.

What do we do while we’re waiting for that meeting?

We have more meetings :-)

We identify the neighbors and other important stakeholders in the area that might be affected by this project and have one-on-one meetings with them. We take them for coffee, hear them out - all that. We're not necessarily looking for their support; rather, what we're looking for is for them to understand that you are a reasonable person, you're thoughtful, and you've put a lot of time and effort into the project.

Sometimes, we’ll get their support, but often we’ll arrive at an agree-to-disagree situation, but our goal is to be able to shake hands, walk away, and know that we have left the meeting knowing that they’ll meet with you again if need be. I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard the following:

“You know, I really am against this project. But, you're a pretty nice guy, and I understand you're doing what you have to do for your family and your business.”

Sometimes, that’s the best you can hope for. They’re not going to lift you on their shoulders and cheer you on, but they’re are also not going to try to kill you.

After you’ve had as many one-on-one meetings as you can, you have the large neighborhood meeting.

And this is where you rely on all those listening skills I’ve emphasized. If you’ve made the rounds and spoken with those most urgently affected by your project, you will have done yourself a favor.

I have a developer friend on the West Coast who called me up one evening in a near panic. While he had one-on-one meetings with neighbors, he had not carved out enough time to have ALL of the meetings he should have had. Unwisely, he didn’t meet with a property owner immediately adjacent to the site for his proposed restaurant. He was building a great space. Family friendly. Good food. Strong drinks. An expansive patio for bocce ball in the summertime. Looked great on paper.

During the neighborhood meeting, he was swatting down objections from neighbors with skill.

“Sean,” he told me. “I was in the zone. It was like they were tossing me softballs across the plate”“

Halfway through the meeting, one neighbor pointed to the site drawings and wondered aloud about the smell that would come from the two commercial-sized garbage containers at the edge of the lot.

“Not a problem,” my friend said. The containers were located off an alley, and there were no adjacent houses, only garages where people parked.

The neighbor stood up from his chair, walked all the way to the front of the room and poked his finger on the poster board, emphasizing each word.

That. Is. Not. A. Garage. That. Is. My $%#!@# House.

Oh.

Man.

One of those small garages was an Accessory Dwelling Unit. My friend totally lost the room. Those inclined to get angry got angry, and those who had provisionally given their support reeled it right back in since no one wants to offend their neighbor. After all, you’re just a developer. These people’s kids play soccer together. Water each other’s lawns. You get the idea.

My friend eventually got approval, but man, he made his life that much harder by not having a few extra meetings.

Have ALL of your meetings.

You’re going to attend the neighborhood meeting with your architect but I always get up first and give an introduction, tell them a little bit about who we are, how we think about projects, about how we're engaged in the neighborhood. I sometimes talk about how our past projects have won design awards and tell them a little bit about what we've done.

If I know there are specific hot-button issues, I'll address them in my intro. I'll say, “Look, I know that affordable housing is a big issue here or parking is a big issue here. Here's how we've thought about that and already tried to make that work.”

After your intro, you want the architect then to get up, and he or she will walk through the plans in detail and answer questions.

This might be a bit of an overstatement, but you the developer, are often perceived as the enemy. My goal in the introduction is to significantly lower the room's temperature and convey that I’m reasonable and empathetic.

They need to vent.

And I’m going to let them.

And I’m going to listen.

So many developers get defensive, or even combative in these meetings.

Rookie move.

The goal here is to listen.

Why?

Well, apart from being a good human, we want to be strategic. Most neighbors are busy. They have other things going on in their life. They're not going to come to 47 meetings and complain about your project. They just have some stuff they need to get off their chest. So even though it's hard — I mean, I've had people say some very, very, very mean things about me personally and my work generally — I just sit there and take it.

Side story:

(I once had a man tell me after a meeting that my proposed building looked like a “Lego set built by a slow kid with one eye and feet for hands.”

Yup. He said THAT.

That building went on to win an award :)

So, while you may get some of THAT, you want the neighbors to feel heard, and you want them to vent their frustration at the neighborhood meeting so that they don’t do it at the planning commission or city council meeting.

In most cases, there are people who will show up to those meetings also, especially if it's a controversial project. But remember, in addition to empathy and good listening, your other goal is to give your city council person coverage. If two people show up to complain, that’s not a problem. If you listen poorly or lose your cool, you risk generating enough bad feelings that fifty folks show up to the council meeting. And that makes your council person’s job hard.

After you've gotten through these meetings, you submit, your formal package to the city. It's normally schematic design, civil engineering, renderings, shading study, traffic study, letter, and usually a letter showing you met with the neighbors and you met with the city council.

And here’s my last insight for today :-)

One mistake developers make is that they'll have that neighborhood meeting, pretend that they have “absorbed” feedback from the neighborhood, and then submit their land use application within days of the meeting.

And neighbors get notice of that.

And, understandably, they get mad. So, after the neighborhood meeting, I typically make my team wait a week or two to submit the land use application.